The winter winds are whistling once again but I’m not quite as
jolly as Mumford & Sons- instead I’m determined. A pleasant, warm but
directed demeanor inflates my body so that I rise each morning and calloused
toes stumble out to the cold tile below my bathroom sink. The morning hours are
lost to the night before, staying up late to get the ball rolling on a new
development.
My coworker and I might be leaving SK sooner than we expected.
Monday after work we grabbed some chicken sandwiches and gabbed
until the store manager ushered us out to the sidewalk. We each survived a hard
day against a number of foes. Once handed our buzzers for when the order was
ready, we sat tight to the glass of an outward facing wall to escape the crisp
draft. Quickly he mentioned how much he was ready to leave.
My girlfriend as well as my family have been telling me for
months that there’s nothing to prove being out here. As a matter of fact, it
has already been proven. I’ve already taken the leap and experienced a ton of
new things. But making a point to oneself shouldn’t come at the expense of
happiness. Life is happening right now and I’ve got to realize this is time I
won’t get back.
I mentioned this to my friend and quickly we started all-but
planning the things we’d do when we get back home. For the first time in a
while I was truly excited.
The weekend before, I had spent the weekend with some teammates
who were teaching through EPIC instead of the private school system. It was
night and day the number of differences and quality of life changes that were
present. Everything from paid vacation to teaching atmosphere was marginally
better as an understatement. They lived in apartments 3 times the size of ours
with the exact same paycheck, greater freedom and a larger community of foreign
teachers around them. It was hard to look at all of it and think I’d be nearly
as ready to leave SK had my recruiting services pointed me in that direction
versus the school I’m at now.
My friend felt the same. As soon as I mentioned all of this to
him it began as a “wow maybe we should look for a contract transfer” and
actually came back to something more real. He confided in me between fries and
sips of Coke that he was genuinely considering quitting by December. At first I
felt obligated to be a counterbalance and ask why, but instead I was honest to
the both of us and agreed. The sun is setting on this adventure.
He was staying to be here for me, to not leave a boss hanging, to just finish
the contract out, out of laziness even but all of it was unnecessary. He should
leave because he is unhappy and I made a point to address that elephant before
it had a chance to retreat back into the trees.
It was then that I finally had a clear picture of what I had
been feeling all this time. It’s no mystery to anyone who has spoken to me
lately that I feel I’ve learned all of my lessons at light speed and find
myself stagnant here. But I have been looking at all of this wrong. This
escape, this attempt at self-discovery (spoiler- I didn’t find anything I didn’t
already know), was never for me. The reality is that I was depressed in Texas
and flew 21 hours to be depressed in SK. On the contrary, it has always been
about my coworker… let’s call him M. I am here to be a catalyst for M and
whatever nuggets of wisdom I gain along the way are a bit more “consequential”
in nature.
As we spoke about the aforementioned, I doubled down on convincing
him to be honest with himself and leave if he must without fear of others. Because
if he leaves, I’m leaving directly after without a moments doubt in my mind. Hearing
that made him more content than I’d seen in a very long time. Something about
hearing about my goals in life maybe reminded him of his. There’s no way to be
sure, but I am certain that the wine began to turn sour as soon as he asked me
why I miss home.
We were making hypothetical plans to visit one another by the
end of our walk home and waved chipper goodbyes when our paths diverged. History
would go to show that each of us stayed up late that night, diving deep into
the job search and dreaming of the days to come.
We rose early and grabbed lunch, daydreaming about what would
sooner than later become of our home sweet home. I spent then, and continue to
now, all my time on getting the ball rolling for the life that is all but close
enough to reach.
These days it is all that I can think about, like a child on Christmas eve, mistaking every bump for a landing hoof.
God is a clever dude
Life is good
And I’m ready
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