So basically one day one of my gap pals for some reason just couldn't handle my humor that day (apparently I was being an "anus"). I really wasn't saying anything particularly, or even perceptibly offensive to my knowledge, but whatever. For whatever reason, "because she's a girl", she was just giving me the business all day and it was justified or something (a concept that I've never been okay with but have never chosen to go all vigilante-justice about). At first it was easy to just ignore- mainly because I figured it was just some funk she was in.
Exhibit A-
"Want to head over to the library now?"
"Yeah sure homie. Give me a minute and I'll meet you in the lobby"
"Oh my God don't take as long as you always do or I swear..."
"Shut it, dong"
"Oh my God Jon what is wrong with you today you're such an [anus] blah blah blah...-" the tirade went on for a good 20 seconds longer but I didn't hear any of it. After a certain point I lost interest in what she was saying (which sounds so mean) so it just became a dull hum".
But I learned an hour or two into being around her that such was not that case and it drove me up the wall though I left it alone. I feel bad about it, but something about how cantankerous and crabby she was being absolutely gnawed at me. To the point that even in sitting in silence with her in the basement of the library whilst doing homework, her presence alone made me want to chop her in the throat. Especially when I could catch and feel her indignant gaze on me when her eyes would flick up in my peripherals. Anyway, after some time another friend sent us a text about where to meet her and another for study group. Of course this was a prime time for the ice queen to let yet another bitter and impatient comment leave her mouth, but I was cool about it (pun sort of intended). I figured eh, it'll get better once we meet up with the others... It didn't. Even then, if I said anything that defied her in the least or basically just wasn't coddling she would go off again with the name calling. So at this point I was like, you know what, now is the perfect time to start in fact going out of my way to crack jokes because I knew I would get a rise out of her and it would be funny... And let me tell you, it was.
*gets back to restaurant table after bathroom break*
"Why aren't you sitting by me?"
"Would you sit with you?"
.jpg)
*Sassy McSasserson is going off on me while the rest of the table looks at us uncomfortably and I just keep obliviously slurping at my soup*
Friend who hosted the dinner gathering and will be our future roommate "Wow I can't wait until we live together..."
Dong- "I swear one of these days next year you're going to piss me off and I'm going to spit in your food"
"Eh easy now. To call what you make 'food' is a little generous isn't it?"
*after her sassy episode we are walking back to the dorms*
*she starts to drift toward me at the back of the pack because nobody is talking to her but I'm not about to let her off the hook easy like she didn't just spend the entire day being a jerk*
"What do you want nerd?"
"Oh my God why are you such a [freaking penis] today?"
And to make things worse, I was particularly giggly that day so every outburst just got me snickering again- which wasn't good but couldn't be helped. Once I'd flustered her enough to toughen her up a bit and got my fun out of it, I promptly went home. But through all of this I couldn't help but think about all those times that my other friends in the friend group would bludgeon me with questions about if I was attracted to her and why not when I'd invariably reply "no". And how remarkably clear it was, now, that I truly know my type.
Because here's the thing- she does fit the mold that all of my former significant others sort of formed. She is relatively tall and slim, with long dark hair and large green eyes ( all those things put together = you're automatically put on my dating radar). Couple that with either being artsy or a dancer and I'm sold... usually. But in her case I feel nothing... Because what she lacked was just as influential as her physical attributes- a sense of independence. It irritates me to no end. Whether it's asking for help with tiny tasks or the inability to order a pizza by herself because she doesn't want to have to talk to the pizza place person, it all shows how dependent she is on others by choice. Don't get me wrong, I love her to death she's the best but...She's such a strong individual and yet she just does nothing with it. I mean as dumb as it sounds, it absolutely pissed me off when one day she got mad that I didn't want to walk back from the library so that she wouldn't have to walk alone over to the library to our study group. I mean I understand her concerns and stuff. I get it, but anger toward me isn't quite the right feeling to have. My last.... all girlfriends? They didn't need me in the least, but regardless chose to be with me because they liked/loved me. In those relationships, did I have to coddle them or talk to them everyday? No. We had our own lives to live and at no point did I or our relationship define who we were- we were two complex individuals with our own hectic lives who just so happened to want to engage with each other romantically when time or circumstance allowed. We were basically each others one-person "support group"...except that sometimes we would go on dates and stuff. Have nothing to do? No problem- we both had lives so busy that it wasn't a problem and we didn't need each other to have fun. Not to say that we didn't miss each other, but rather, we just weren't going to die if the other needed their space or a "girls night out". And you know what? They were all very fulfilling, healthy relationships. I don't want to be anybody's everything. Not until we are married or something- and even then... you know what I'm saying? For some reason it just wouldn't feel as much like love as it would like insecurity/desperation that would keep us together.
So shout out to my past girlfriends and other love interests ( and God #amen) for never letting me go down that road and rewarding me for insisting on finding such spectacular, profoundly self-aware, strong independent girls.
So basically....
My type (ideal but of course NOT REQUIREMENTS by any means):
God-fearing (so there is no "missionary dating")
Intelligent
Tall
Slim/Athletic
Brunette
Striking eyes that aren't brown
Interested in the arts
Nerdy/Geeky
Hates me for having a blog and even more so for making this list
Comments
Post a Comment