Last summer, about half way through, Ridgely and I went on a run. Less due to desire to workout, and more out of a need for an outlet. Life was becoming very complicated very quickly, and in all the calamity of family tragedies and deterioration of relationships we needed to just separate ourselves. So we did, as had become a custom. Didn't really matter where or at what pace, only that the place was secluded- but every blue moon we would go on a run together and just talk the whole way through. I remember doing this when Ridgely wanted my 2 cents on the condition of his relationship. I remember doing this when I had embarked upon my first real relationship of my own. And when his grandmothers health took a turn for the worst. And also when my relationship fell through. But most recently I remember discussing with him the condition of our ( our friend groups' ) friendship. My friend had always been more fit than I, my sports tending to focus more on quick bursts and strength, but one way or anther I found a way to keep up. As if we seemed to connect beyond understanding on these runs and fall in synch. We never seemed to feel the stress in our legs and knees until our paths home forked.
This particular run, we decided to go to Oak Point nature reserve, a nice little oasis from the desert of city lights and suburbia that seemed to extend endlessly in every direction. The reserve was about 3x3 miles, and shaped like a bowl with a wide sidewalk that wound back and forth down the hill that formed the wall of the bowl. Leading to a small pond, adorned with a small fishing dock, benches, tables, thickets of trees and "Do not swim" signs. At night, once in the depths of the bowl no light braved the darkness save that of the moon's reflection of rays.
To be perfectly honest, I can't quite put back together what specifically prompted us to run that night, but I know that it was something that made the run inevitable. The gist is that on every end, our friend group was fraying. Even between my running partner and I, distance growing as the year grew more and more stressful. We just didn't really have time to talk anymore. But we refused, based on a promise ( or more accurately, a vow ) we'd made years before to never let our friendship crumble. Such things are much like divorces, and in some ways can be equally damaging though such things can be overlooked. Things never break even, things are always left unsaid, and all the things you worked towards/through in the past becomes nothing more than an anecdote you think of when you're sitting alone at night, or maybe even with a new group of friends, pondering endlessly as their conversation swirls around you. Slowly but surely feeling the knot form in your chest, or strain build in your throat as you realize what you have then is only a shell of former relations that regrettably came to pass...
We'd seen it all happen before, he and I. The first time it came slow and cold, like a barge or a stock ship loaded full with memories and childhood bliss from the lowest corridor to stories above the deck, drifting slowly through waters laden with mines labeled "conflict of interest", "pride", and "apathy". It was like years of friendship Ridgely and I came in late on only served as gunpowder packed tight into the corners of the ship, that once ignited with "coming of age" and aforementioned mines, obliterated all traces of relation. 5 years gone in a puff of smoke as it all imploded and not a single piece of metaphorical scrap metal shown above the waters surface.
The second time it was much messier. Come freshmen year, I found myself locked tight ( and I mean that in a positive way ) into a new slew of faces I called friend. There were many of us loosely connected, but the core group came out to about 11 people. In this eclectic mix of youths were 3 couples, Ridgely being in one of them, and a whole lot of friendly singles ( I was one of those). And things were great. Everybody always told me going into freshman year that it was indeed, the best year of school. Second only to senior year. And it was this group who made that cliche a reality. I can't tell you how many different hangouts, movie marathons, holiday parties, birthday parties, luncheons and events we all attended together, but we seriously had an immense amount of fun. 4 years worth of fun, all within one school year. But things changed. The "fun" exhausted itself a little prematurely.
The thing about that friend group was that, being that I was of course the same age as them, and the sort of "go to guy" to talk to about all things wrong with life, I was always in the middle of things. It meant that I knew everything about everything that happened in any proximity to our circle, and of course that meant I saw the factions forming when they inevitably did. It means that I heard all the talking behind backs and schemes that flared up, and was always the one ( as I felt was my duty as a friend ) to bat the flames down. Which worked for some time. If you've ever watched Game of Thrones, I was pretty much Varys. But the problem with that, was that I just couldn't be everywhere at once. I couldn't be on everybody's side, nor could I spread myself thin enough to help everyone. And it caught up to them. And me. I learned very quickly and clearly just what my limits were, and had them showcased in front of me as friends lashed out at each other. 3 years, 5 years, 10 years- the spans of friendships I watched spontaneously combust right in front of me. I couldn't be everything: mentor, shrink, listener, "brother" figure, adviser for everyone. Especially when my own life was being put in the back seat. So it only makes sense that when I took a brief hiatus to deal with my own demons that theirs would finally break loose. And so it went, for about week. No clear winner, as there is no such thing as winning in these sorts of things. Only people who cared less about what they lost. It was then that I realized, this time around being able to fully understand the weight of such decisions, just how much all these relationships mean. How much I hated seeing that happen, and what measures I would take to make sure this never happened on my watch again.
So it was on this specific run, after having bettered approximately 8 miles at solid pace, that we stopped at a bench under a canopy of silhouetted tree limbs and leaves and made the pact that we would, at all costs, never let our circle break.
To this day, despite horrid fights and our lives going in different directions (college), we are still just as close as ever, and talk on almost a daily basis. And as I've said in other posts of this nature, I feel this is something I / we should take pride in.
This particular run, we decided to go to Oak Point nature reserve, a nice little oasis from the desert of city lights and suburbia that seemed to extend endlessly in every direction. The reserve was about 3x3 miles, and shaped like a bowl with a wide sidewalk that wound back and forth down the hill that formed the wall of the bowl. Leading to a small pond, adorned with a small fishing dock, benches, tables, thickets of trees and "Do not swim" signs. At night, once in the depths of the bowl no light braved the darkness save that of the moon's reflection of rays.
To be perfectly honest, I can't quite put back together what specifically prompted us to run that night, but I know that it was something that made the run inevitable. The gist is that on every end, our friend group was fraying. Even between my running partner and I, distance growing as the year grew more and more stressful. We just didn't really have time to talk anymore. But we refused, based on a promise ( or more accurately, a vow ) we'd made years before to never let our friendship crumble. Such things are much like divorces, and in some ways can be equally damaging though such things can be overlooked. Things never break even, things are always left unsaid, and all the things you worked towards/through in the past becomes nothing more than an anecdote you think of when you're sitting alone at night, or maybe even with a new group of friends, pondering endlessly as their conversation swirls around you. Slowly but surely feeling the knot form in your chest, or strain build in your throat as you realize what you have then is only a shell of former relations that regrettably came to pass...
We'd seen it all happen before, he and I. The first time it came slow and cold, like a barge or a stock ship loaded full with memories and childhood bliss from the lowest corridor to stories above the deck, drifting slowly through waters laden with mines labeled "conflict of interest", "pride", and "apathy". It was like years of friendship Ridgely and I came in late on only served as gunpowder packed tight into the corners of the ship, that once ignited with "coming of age" and aforementioned mines, obliterated all traces of relation. 5 years gone in a puff of smoke as it all imploded and not a single piece of metaphorical scrap metal shown above the waters surface.
The second time it was much messier. Come freshmen year, I found myself locked tight ( and I mean that in a positive way ) into a new slew of faces I called friend. There were many of us loosely connected, but the core group came out to about 11 people. In this eclectic mix of youths were 3 couples, Ridgely being in one of them, and a whole lot of friendly singles ( I was one of those). And things were great. Everybody always told me going into freshman year that it was indeed, the best year of school. Second only to senior year. And it was this group who made that cliche a reality. I can't tell you how many different hangouts, movie marathons, holiday parties, birthday parties, luncheons and events we all attended together, but we seriously had an immense amount of fun. 4 years worth of fun, all within one school year. But things changed. The "fun" exhausted itself a little prematurely.
The thing about that friend group was that, being that I was of course the same age as them, and the sort of "go to guy" to talk to about all things wrong with life, I was always in the middle of things. It meant that I knew everything about everything that happened in any proximity to our circle, and of course that meant I saw the factions forming when they inevitably did. It means that I heard all the talking behind backs and schemes that flared up, and was always the one ( as I felt was my duty as a friend ) to bat the flames down. Which worked for some time. If you've ever watched Game of Thrones, I was pretty much Varys. But the problem with that, was that I just couldn't be everywhere at once. I couldn't be on everybody's side, nor could I spread myself thin enough to help everyone. And it caught up to them. And me. I learned very quickly and clearly just what my limits were, and had them showcased in front of me as friends lashed out at each other. 3 years, 5 years, 10 years- the spans of friendships I watched spontaneously combust right in front of me. I couldn't be everything: mentor, shrink, listener, "brother" figure, adviser for everyone. Especially when my own life was being put in the back seat. So it only makes sense that when I took a brief hiatus to deal with my own demons that theirs would finally break loose. And so it went, for about week. No clear winner, as there is no such thing as winning in these sorts of things. Only people who cared less about what they lost. It was then that I realized, this time around being able to fully understand the weight of such decisions, just how much all these relationships mean. How much I hated seeing that happen, and what measures I would take to make sure this never happened on my watch again.
So it was on this specific run, after having bettered approximately 8 miles at solid pace, that we stopped at a bench under a canopy of silhouetted tree limbs and leaves and made the pact that we would, at all costs, never let our circle break.
To this day, despite horrid fights and our lives going in different directions (college), we are still just as close as ever, and talk on almost a daily basis. And as I've said in other posts of this nature, I feel this is something I / we should take pride in.
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