Just Some Thoughts

    It's weird. I've met some awesome, great people, but cannot get myself to fully invest in them quite yet. As if to say that to do so would be to allow them to replace past bonds and friendships I'd already formed. Though for the most part that isn't the case, in some other cases... It is. And it makes me feel terrible because in life one of my biggest things is making sure that I left an honest, definite impact on those around me and that somehow, some way I'm remembered. But I think in this instance, with what I have before me, I must. I remember the favorite colors and birthplaces of people who's names I hardly even remember. I've had random, deep and unpredictable conversations with amazing people whom I'd never gotten to fully build a friendship with. I've hugged and found myself emotional in circumstances with people who hardly even remember my own name, and yet I miss them in a way. But the thing is, to be able to fully enjoy the next four years of my life, I must buy in. I have to make myself be okay with all the tethers that never quite tie together, all the stories that were never told and conversations never had. Because if I don't, these years will roll on slowly,  and maybe even somewhat painfully. So.... Maybe I won't always remember all the names. Or how old and how many siblings you have, how many bones you've broken, your significant others name or what poem you shared with the class when we had that one English assignment senior year in the performing arts center lobby- but I will not forget your faces. And the good you've done me, and hopefully things I owe to you, that I will work to pay forward.