In the 4th grade, I was pretty used to my not-so-new home. I knew the ins and outs of the neighborhood streets, crooks in alleyways, and even had a cat. Kitty was the name. Or I guess "is" the name. He's still alive and causing trouble. We found him one stormy night in October, crying on our back porch, not even two months old. We have no idea how he got there, but we took him in and love him all the same. The name was consequential. The animal shelter down the street took too long to get back to us on "Missing Animal Notices", and before long that was all he would respond to. You know, if cats really respond to anything.
.PNG)
I didn't have many friends in grade school, unless of course you count the kids I liked just because they didn't bother me.
School was very easy for me as far as academics went. Kids always seemed to befriend me and remember my name come homework time or study hall. Math and Science were quite literally child's play for me, though English was a bit of a pain at the time ( it's weird how these things reverse. ) But I liked my English class the most for two reasons. One, because a new girl, just as quiet as I was, sat across from me. Natalie was the name.
There are few actual details about this class that I can call to the forefront of my mind that weren't about this little blonde-haired-double pony-tailed (cause her hair was that long) blue-eyed girl. I guess she was that intriguing to me. Like in that moment I just realized that girls both existed, and were pretty. So before I knew it, paired together in group work and PE activities repeatedly, we built up a sort of silent rapport. Maybe even a friendship. She was the first person to get me to go outside for recess and we played games together, though there was never a verbal invitation. We just did. And for the rest of the year, the two of us floated on by. Consequently, with the end of 4th grade also came the end of our relations, but it was okay. I kind of figured at the time we would always be friends and one day would pick up where we left off. I know now such things don't always get the luxury of closure.
Reason number two, was that I met lifelong friend ( or so I hope ) Paul. A tall boy, with long brown hair, shifty blue eyes over the tall bridge of his nose, and much much taller tales. A meeting that should never have happened if you think about it. For you see, we were worlds apart. Always picked first in competition athletic and academic. Loved by students and teachers alike. Cafeteria tables always seemed to fill out wherever he sat. He sat right beside me, and kids always seemed to crowd me to get to him. It attracted attention to me that I greatly disliked. He was the cool kid. Or so we thought.
Back at our school, when birthday's came up, the kids had to be careful what they said, because if others who weren't invited caught wind of said events to come, their "feelings would be hurt". An offense not to be trifled with, for the punishment was grand: a required invitation of all present at the time of the offense. Absolutely torturous if there happened to be the "undesirables" in close proximity (Me). And as you'd expect, such a mistake was made, which incidentally caused our paths to cross. As if sitting by the kid wasn't enough. So, taking up his sealed envelopes, she informed the whole class of the ordeal and so it was settled. I was going to his birthday party. I didn't want to go of course. I didn't know anyone, and it was a sleep over. Just... No. Especially if Natalie wasn't going. But my parents were suspicious that I might be a psychopath and with good reason, so I cooperated ( so as to make myself feel like it was actually my decision all along ) and went.
Fast forward many toothy grins and laughs I did my best to sheathe behind my fruit-punch stained lips, I actually found myself having fun. Fast forward even more, past a nerf gun war and cupcakes and cake and swimming and a pillow fight and getting yelled at to go to sleep and still not going to sleep, there I was propped up on some pillows nearby a dimly lit nightlight in need of a new bulb. Alone, though not physically. Rib cages softly expanding and contracting to the synchronized rhythms of exhales all around. Everyone asleep. Except for Paul of course.
"Can't sleep either?"
"Nope"
The conversation didn't go nearly as smooth as the above conversation might imply. Especially when you learn that between the question and response there was a five minute pause full of uncomfortable fidgeting and staring. Painfully awkward. Until of course, I just started to talk... He must've realized too just how uncharacteristic this was of me, because at once he gave me full attention and allowed me to open up. Back and forth we went. Saying everything there was to say. Talking. Things like where we came from. Who we'd like to think we are. Girl(s) we like. Video games. Life. And it was that night that I found my first ever true friend through and through.... It's like I spoke and confided for all of the times in my past that I wanted to but didn't think I could.
The foundation for a continually blossoming life was set.
School was very easy for me as far as academics went. Kids always seemed to befriend me and remember my name come homework time or study hall. Math and Science were quite literally child's play for me, though English was a bit of a pain at the time ( it's weird how these things reverse. ) But I liked my English class the most for two reasons. One, because a new girl, just as quiet as I was, sat across from me. Natalie was the name.
There are few actual details about this class that I can call to the forefront of my mind that weren't about this little blonde-haired-double pony-tailed (cause her hair was that long) blue-eyed girl. I guess she was that intriguing to me. Like in that moment I just realized that girls both existed, and were pretty. So before I knew it, paired together in group work and PE activities repeatedly, we built up a sort of silent rapport. Maybe even a friendship. She was the first person to get me to go outside for recess and we played games together, though there was never a verbal invitation. We just did. And for the rest of the year, the two of us floated on by. Consequently, with the end of 4th grade also came the end of our relations, but it was okay. I kind of figured at the time we would always be friends and one day would pick up where we left off. I know now such things don't always get the luxury of closure.
Reason number two, was that I met lifelong friend ( or so I hope ) Paul. A tall boy, with long brown hair, shifty blue eyes over the tall bridge of his nose, and much much taller tales. A meeting that should never have happened if you think about it. For you see, we were worlds apart. Always picked first in competition athletic and academic. Loved by students and teachers alike. Cafeteria tables always seemed to fill out wherever he sat. He sat right beside me, and kids always seemed to crowd me to get to him. It attracted attention to me that I greatly disliked. He was the cool kid. Or so we thought.
Back at our school, when birthday's came up, the kids had to be careful what they said, because if others who weren't invited caught wind of said events to come, their "feelings would be hurt". An offense not to be trifled with, for the punishment was grand: a required invitation of all present at the time of the offense. Absolutely torturous if there happened to be the "undesirables" in close proximity (Me). And as you'd expect, such a mistake was made, which incidentally caused our paths to cross. As if sitting by the kid wasn't enough. So, taking up his sealed envelopes, she informed the whole class of the ordeal and so it was settled. I was going to his birthday party. I didn't want to go of course. I didn't know anyone, and it was a sleep over. Just... No. Especially if Natalie wasn't going. But my parents were suspicious that I might be a psychopath and with good reason, so I cooperated ( so as to make myself feel like it was actually my decision all along ) and went.
Fast forward many toothy grins and laughs I did my best to sheathe behind my fruit-punch stained lips, I actually found myself having fun. Fast forward even more, past a nerf gun war and cupcakes and cake and swimming and a pillow fight and getting yelled at to go to sleep and still not going to sleep, there I was propped up on some pillows nearby a dimly lit nightlight in need of a new bulb. Alone, though not physically. Rib cages softly expanding and contracting to the synchronized rhythms of exhales all around. Everyone asleep. Except for Paul of course.
"Can't sleep either?"
"Nope"
The conversation didn't go nearly as smooth as the above conversation might imply. Especially when you learn that between the question and response there was a five minute pause full of uncomfortable fidgeting and staring. Painfully awkward. Until of course, I just started to talk... He must've realized too just how uncharacteristic this was of me, because at once he gave me full attention and allowed me to open up. Back and forth we went. Saying everything there was to say. Talking. Things like where we came from. Who we'd like to think we are. Girl(s) we like. Video games. Life. And it was that night that I found my first ever true friend through and through.... It's like I spoke and confided for all of the times in my past that I wanted to but didn't think I could.
The foundation for a continually blossoming life was set.
Comments
Post a Comment