Ay Caramba

I’m overwhelmed by emotions I don’t know how to digest. I want to scream again. Not sure why though. It’s the same as always- pulled in directions and panicking at the notion that I must be doing something... and yet there is nothing that needs doing. I’m just unwell. There’s not much to do with that sort of information other than accept it for what it is. I’m supposed to be happy and yet I’m not. The call of the void is incredibly strong tonight and in one memory of Big Bend in 2015, I jumped off the edge of a cliff and could feel that anti gravity lift of the heart that comes from free fall. I felt the rush of fear too and then flipped to a scene of a car crash. I’m screaming as I hold my little brothers disembodied head over his body and the twisted metal continues to burn like a pyre a dozen yards away.

What is going on?

Where is my noggin? 

In this battle against the night, against my thoughts, I’ve been dropped into a gladiators pit with nothing but a ladle.

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