10/6
My eyes haven't been able to focus today and for a while it worried me deeply... but then I found some new music through the suggestion of a new homie and leaned into it. Holy crap is her taste good- I loved every song I found.
Now I'm sitting on this bench, surrounded by flowers and vintage light posts, heart beating out of my chest while wind wrestles with the fountain gurgling a dozen yards ahead of me.
I can't see anything but also don't need to.
The music reminds me of what it feels like to be wrapped in the giddiness of new love. Like it's a mix of adventure and dreams and living life on a whim. It is bittersweet to say the least. In the music I can hear my memories of climbing trees and chasing fireflies. I can feel my Pokemon graphic t-shirt whipping around my body and my bare feet in silky grass while storm clouds waft through. So many other memories, recent and from former decades are flashing before me.
I'm just occupying the garden quietly, peacefully, blissfully alone
It's like the music is filling the air and front-loading itself into the breezes
I'm smothered in winds that blow so fast it actually makes it harder to breathe and I'm taking in more sound waves than oxygen
Each intake of air is liberating.
My food has gone cold by now but I don't care
I'm expected back home to build into tonight's festivities but I don't care
I have homework to turn in tomorrow... but I don't care.
I'm here, and I'm overcome with emotion and I'm happy.
It has been a few hours since then now and all I can feel is my absence from that magical place that feels more like home than the spot on my bed closest to the door or the vans I've had since high school.
Some of the biggest, actually most of the biggest moments in my young-adult life happened there in this restless sanctuary. Water always flowing. Flora always dancing.
Edit- 10/8: I actually ended up showering up so that I could meet with some friends at the "International Prom" later that night. Slowly but surely, I walked over there fresh and clean. Black, crisp suits with shiny cuff-links hooked by slender arms and cocktail dresses swarmed into the creaky double doors of the student union. Music played loudly, sampling bits of every culture represented in the crowd that night. Remnants of a large dinner were scattered all about the first floor while dancing and celebration carried on upstairs.
Once I ran into my friends we happened upon an employee cleaning out some of the rooms. She had boxes and trays full of food that she was about to throw away... until we showed up. It was actually kinda funny, we all just stood in silence and stared at her as she left the food room, like hyenas licking our chops. She quickly understood what was going on, laughed to herself and offered up all the untouched food she had gathered.
"God bless you my Nubian Queen"
She laughed, we took the food, and scampered off to the dance floor. It was honestly so dumb but so much fun just not caring. There we were, looking like bums amongst these beautifully dressed people of every color and creed, dancing with boxes full of pizza, fried chicken and cookies that every person in our proximity asked to have a piece of. Of course we obliged, serving the masses with one hand while answering our "phones" (pizza crusts), Hotline Bling blasting through the speakers overhead.
Directly afterward we all hopped into our cars and took our drove of Spanish folks to a mutual friend's party. The rest of my night was spent taking care of some lovely friends and making new ones with the goofy dance moves I'm prone to showcase.
The following day I went to the football game, suffered through that, had a nice lunch with a friend I haven't spoken to in a while, and then made it off to another party- with a little bit of studying slotted in between.
That party, aka last night, was a doozy but I enjoyed it. It ended with a poor little German kid knocking himself out during a fall and me having to step in with one of my nursing-major friends to handle the situation... But he will be just fine. I got to meet some of the family of a close friend, speak some wisdom to three wonderful youngsters (sophomores), and plenty of other things that reminded me of the person God has made me to be. Hahah at a few points I was guilt-tripped about it, but eh. It's not going to stop me. I connect with people quickly and deeply sometimes and I won't apologize for it. I have been told my dear people in my life that I am charismatic and I think I'm finally genuinely realizing it-
----
A few weeks ago an older guy on my rugby team who also plays football came up to me after a team meeting I lead and shook my hand with a smile on his face. I was self-counscious, so nervously I laughed and asked "what?!? Why are you looking at me like that?!" He told me frankly that he's learning more and more from me every day. "You are teaching me so much and I'm gaining from this" he said. Not going to lie my eyes watered up, but I shook his hand and didn't show that.
----
Anyway... back to last night. Once the paramedics showed up, I took my leave and promptly fell asleep in the comfort of my cozy room, not even making it long enough for my food to cool off, handshakes and hugs filling my mind up until my last blink.
My eyes haven't been able to focus today and for a while it worried me deeply... but then I found some new music through the suggestion of a new homie and leaned into it. Holy crap is her taste good- I loved every song I found.
Now I'm sitting on this bench, surrounded by flowers and vintage light posts, heart beating out of my chest while wind wrestles with the fountain gurgling a dozen yards ahead of me.
I can't see anything but also don't need to.
The music reminds me of what it feels like to be wrapped in the giddiness of new love. Like it's a mix of adventure and dreams and living life on a whim. It is bittersweet to say the least. In the music I can hear my memories of climbing trees and chasing fireflies. I can feel my Pokemon graphic t-shirt whipping around my body and my bare feet in silky grass while storm clouds waft through. So many other memories, recent and from former decades are flashing before me.
I'm just occupying the garden quietly, peacefully, blissfully alone
It's like the music is filling the air and front-loading itself into the breezes
I'm smothered in winds that blow so fast it actually makes it harder to breathe and I'm taking in more sound waves than oxygen
Each intake of air is liberating.
My food has gone cold by now but I don't care
I'm expected back home to build into tonight's festivities but I don't care
I have homework to turn in tomorrow... but I don't care.
I'm here, and I'm overcome with emotion and I'm happy.
It has been a few hours since then now and all I can feel is my absence from that magical place that feels more like home than the spot on my bed closest to the door or the vans I've had since high school.
Some of the biggest, actually most of the biggest moments in my young-adult life happened there in this restless sanctuary. Water always flowing. Flora always dancing.
Edit- 10/8: I actually ended up showering up so that I could meet with some friends at the "International Prom" later that night. Slowly but surely, I walked over there fresh and clean. Black, crisp suits with shiny cuff-links hooked by slender arms and cocktail dresses swarmed into the creaky double doors of the student union. Music played loudly, sampling bits of every culture represented in the crowd that night. Remnants of a large dinner were scattered all about the first floor while dancing and celebration carried on upstairs.
Once I ran into my friends we happened upon an employee cleaning out some of the rooms. She had boxes and trays full of food that she was about to throw away... until we showed up. It was actually kinda funny, we all just stood in silence and stared at her as she left the food room, like hyenas licking our chops. She quickly understood what was going on, laughed to herself and offered up all the untouched food she had gathered.
"God bless you my Nubian Queen"
She laughed, we took the food, and scampered off to the dance floor. It was honestly so dumb but so much fun just not caring. There we were, looking like bums amongst these beautifully dressed people of every color and creed, dancing with boxes full of pizza, fried chicken and cookies that every person in our proximity asked to have a piece of. Of course we obliged, serving the masses with one hand while answering our "phones" (pizza crusts), Hotline Bling blasting through the speakers overhead.
Directly afterward we all hopped into our cars and took our drove of Spanish folks to a mutual friend's party. The rest of my night was spent taking care of some lovely friends and making new ones with the goofy dance moves I'm prone to showcase.
The following day I went to the football game, suffered through that, had a nice lunch with a friend I haven't spoken to in a while, and then made it off to another party- with a little bit of studying slotted in between.
That party, aka last night, was a doozy but I enjoyed it. It ended with a poor little German kid knocking himself out during a fall and me having to step in with one of my nursing-major friends to handle the situation... But he will be just fine. I got to meet some of the family of a close friend, speak some wisdom to three wonderful youngsters (sophomores), and plenty of other things that reminded me of the person God has made me to be. Hahah at a few points I was guilt-tripped about it, but eh. It's not going to stop me. I connect with people quickly and deeply sometimes and I won't apologize for it. I have been told my dear people in my life that I am charismatic and I think I'm finally genuinely realizing it-
----
A few weeks ago an older guy on my rugby team who also plays football came up to me after a team meeting I lead and shook my hand with a smile on his face. I was self-counscious, so nervously I laughed and asked "what?!? Why are you looking at me like that?!" He told me frankly that he's learning more and more from me every day. "You are teaching me so much and I'm gaining from this" he said. Not going to lie my eyes watered up, but I shook his hand and didn't show that.
----
Anyway... back to last night. Once the paramedics showed up, I took my leave and promptly fell asleep in the comfort of my cozy room, not even making it long enough for my food to cool off, handshakes and hugs filling my mind up until my last blink.
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