Mathew 7:7-8 "Ask, and you will receive. Search, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened for you. Everyone who asks will receive. Everyone who searches will find. And the door will be opened for everyone who knocks"
The tides' getting more choppy, and like in my daydream from weeks ago, I'm still running. My feet have grown tougher from all the rocks but I still feel a bit of a sting. I thought the biggest obstacle in front of me was finding that peace and grace that makes me who I am. But even upon finding it, within myself and others, there still seems to be somewhere I'm supposed to go. My feet are still frantic. The new experiences and friends aren't bringing me the sort of joy that I seek... I'm caught yet again between retreating inward and forcing myself to push out- hence the never-ending catch 22 of being an ambivert. This has got to be round 985 by now, who knows who will win this bout... But I'm taking my steps a little more carefully so they can be guided properly. My brain and heart need to be friends again.
So I've been doing lots of asking, searching, knocking and I await the results of the above promises- living boldly and pushing away any temptations or externalities to allow myself to be vulnerable to the twists and turns that come.
I watched a movie today called Punch-Drunk Love that I related to in ways that I didn't expect. It really got me thinking more than anything... I understand that anger. I understand the corner he feels backed up into both of his own creation and contributed to by those around him. Couple that with the bible I received from a pastor earlier this morning and I'm left feeling quite the push to do some reading.
So I've been reading.
I think I've realized that I've been depressed since that fateful realization freshman year... It's all clicking...
But hey now... I don't have time for that somber crap.
Life is beautiful
God is steadfast
And I'm just fine
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