Canada was a wonderful time. I've seen yet another little corner of the world now, with mysteries and possibilities of its own. Each day we tried to do something touristy, but still finding the balance with just knowing ourselves and enjoying what we know we like. I feel like sometimes people get so lost in drafting up itineraries that they totally miss the adventure of traveling. And while I'm at it, pro tip: don't talk about your impending divorce with your kids. Not cool!
Before that I played in my first tournament of the summer. Things went well overall. Throughout the day I had my wonderful girlfriend being my personal cheerleader between matches, something I never take for granted, and spent time getting to know the people who have been grinding out the workouts all summer. It was actually pretty cool because I ran into one of my university teammates and some alumni I've met over the years. I scored 4 times that tournament (leader for my squad) and made all but one of my tackles. My coach was very pleased with me from what I could gather and made a point to offer me advice during each match. I grew a lot as a player that day- which doesn't always happen. The only negative was that I had to face my recurring heal injury and realize that in the near future, I will have to take a complete and total break from most forms of physical activity for a while. But it just might be a blessing in disguise so I'm choosing not to stress about it.
Outside of that, I've really found a groove with where I am up here. My job is nothing to write home about, but it pays well and I love my coworkers. We even have plans to meet up one of these weekends and share a meal. Each day with quiet little jokes, we're getting closer and closer. The host family is so wonderful to me that I could never repay, even with rent payments in mind. They insist on buying me groceries and bringing home dinners whenever I'm out doing whatever I'm doing. The daughters are both beautiful little souls that I've developed a sort of friendship with. I enjoy the talks I have with the older one whenever she comes in from work. She has so much to learn once she goes off to her first year of college and it just brings me back to where I was- all the excitement and uncertainty tightly wound together and looking for any sort of wisdom that can unravel it. I can say with certainty I will miss these folks when I go back to school.
Oh and shout out to the lovely little pup Sadie, she was put down this week after 12 years of her basically being my dog. That was quite the depressing news to receive as I boarded a plane.
As far as my relationship goes- things have been really good. Sure it sucks being away, there's no getting around it. There's only so much that can be shared via text without it running flat, but we do what we can and call whenever possible. We had a long phone conversation last night that I think was very eye opening for us in some ways. Nowhere in there did I feel like I was forcing conversation despite the distance. We just talked about everything from heavy to light and enjoyed each other's company. It might not be as fiery as we strive for, but that's just long distance is. And sometimes in love that lack of tumultousness, the risk, can feel like lazy, "over it" love but in reality that's simply learning how to love that person better. I know I'm off on a tangent now, but she quoted her sister, saying that "love stops becoming this wildfire and slowly becomes acts of service", and that scared her. And while I think that's true for some, and isn't a bad thing, the romantic in me sees it differently. Because I don't believe any love will ever be problem free. There are going to be things we want out of our lovers that sometimes, just will not come. Sometimes we have to teach them and be willing to learn. What I feel deep down is that sometimes the biggest show of love, is when one person lays down a part of their heart that could use the change, a piece of them they can change without "changing themselves" as a whole, and turning it into a tether between the two of them. Making it another place where they can create unity. Cause nobody you meet will ever put a check in every box. Even if they do, life has a funny way of making sure they're either too young, too old, married or otherwise out of reach. And the crazy thing- whoever that person is involved with, that nameless significant other might look at the apple of your eye and find one tiny piece missing off their checklist. And yet, biggest of all, they can still be stupidly, unconditionally, blindly happy and in love with each other all the same. Love is not scouring the earth until you find somebody who you don't have to better yourself with or adjust to. Love is finding somebody who loves you as you are, but by their presence in your life puts a fire in you to become the best you can be for them and everybody around you.
I'd been thinking that recently and just needed to write it out. Tangent done!
So uh... I've got 6 weeks left of summer, I've got one measly year left of school before I walk the plank and I'm scared shitless of what the future holds, but I'm going to be just fine. I believe in myself, and I know I will find a way to suck the marrow of life.
Before that I played in my first tournament of the summer. Things went well overall. Throughout the day I had my wonderful girlfriend being my personal cheerleader between matches, something I never take for granted, and spent time getting to know the people who have been grinding out the workouts all summer. It was actually pretty cool because I ran into one of my university teammates and some alumni I've met over the years. I scored 4 times that tournament (leader for my squad) and made all but one of my tackles. My coach was very pleased with me from what I could gather and made a point to offer me advice during each match. I grew a lot as a player that day- which doesn't always happen. The only negative was that I had to face my recurring heal injury and realize that in the near future, I will have to take a complete and total break from most forms of physical activity for a while. But it just might be a blessing in disguise so I'm choosing not to stress about it.
Outside of that, I've really found a groove with where I am up here. My job is nothing to write home about, but it pays well and I love my coworkers. We even have plans to meet up one of these weekends and share a meal. Each day with quiet little jokes, we're getting closer and closer. The host family is so wonderful to me that I could never repay, even with rent payments in mind. They insist on buying me groceries and bringing home dinners whenever I'm out doing whatever I'm doing. The daughters are both beautiful little souls that I've developed a sort of friendship with. I enjoy the talks I have with the older one whenever she comes in from work. She has so much to learn once she goes off to her first year of college and it just brings me back to where I was- all the excitement and uncertainty tightly wound together and looking for any sort of wisdom that can unravel it. I can say with certainty I will miss these folks when I go back to school.
Oh and shout out to the lovely little pup Sadie, she was put down this week after 12 years of her basically being my dog. That was quite the depressing news to receive as I boarded a plane.
As far as my relationship goes- things have been really good. Sure it sucks being away, there's no getting around it. There's only so much that can be shared via text without it running flat, but we do what we can and call whenever possible. We had a long phone conversation last night that I think was very eye opening for us in some ways. Nowhere in there did I feel like I was forcing conversation despite the distance. We just talked about everything from heavy to light and enjoyed each other's company. It might not be as fiery as we strive for, but that's just long distance is. And sometimes in love that lack of tumultousness, the risk, can feel like lazy, "over it" love but in reality that's simply learning how to love that person better. I know I'm off on a tangent now, but she quoted her sister, saying that "love stops becoming this wildfire and slowly becomes acts of service", and that scared her. And while I think that's true for some, and isn't a bad thing, the romantic in me sees it differently. Because I don't believe any love will ever be problem free. There are going to be things we want out of our lovers that sometimes, just will not come. Sometimes we have to teach them and be willing to learn. What I feel deep down is that sometimes the biggest show of love, is when one person lays down a part of their heart that could use the change, a piece of them they can change without "changing themselves" as a whole, and turning it into a tether between the two of them. Making it another place where they can create unity. Cause nobody you meet will ever put a check in every box. Even if they do, life has a funny way of making sure they're either too young, too old, married or otherwise out of reach. And the crazy thing- whoever that person is involved with, that nameless significant other might look at the apple of your eye and find one tiny piece missing off their checklist. And yet, biggest of all, they can still be stupidly, unconditionally, blindly happy and in love with each other all the same. Love is not scouring the earth until you find somebody who you don't have to better yourself with or adjust to. Love is finding somebody who loves you as you are, but by their presence in your life puts a fire in you to become the best you can be for them and everybody around you.
I'd been thinking that recently and just needed to write it out. Tangent done!
So uh... I've got 6 weeks left of summer, I've got one measly year left of school before I walk the plank and I'm scared shitless of what the future holds, but I'm going to be just fine. I believe in myself, and I know I will find a way to suck the marrow of life.
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