Sinewy branches greet me some mornings, and light cascading through un-obscured window onto my unconscious chest wake me others. At first tidy, now my clothes lay tossed into a pile near the wooden desk that boasts clean black picture frames of people I've yet to meet. Each shirt or sock worn once to keep the memories fresh on them while afternoon showers cast shadows that seem to pantomime cleaning them like a stray cat pawing to come inside.
I have been very blessed lately. I am in Colorado, surrounded by God's years of youthful, humble-bragging artistry. I am here.
I left on a Sunday evening directly proceeding a weekend full of farewells. The hardest came first- holding each other tightly then darting away like the splitting of a cell, so as to not leave any room for doubt or temptation. My mind went numb as I watched her drive away into the graying sky and headlight-wash streets. The wind blew me toward her and rain came down to let me know like some cliche trope that change was coming. In that moment the only thing holding me from calling the whole trip off was knowing that she was going to out of reach all summer as well. I knew then what the siren's call to the curious sailor must have felt like.
We both decided to stay a week after school let out to spend time together before heading our separate ways. Each day gleamed new lessons and love that pulled at the corners of your mouth and eyes. The kind that turn into bittersweet barbs that must be unhooked before departure or the ordeal hurts much worse. We were excited for each other though, in a way that only lovers can really understand.
A few friends were available in my home town so with intent I made sure to spend ample time alongside them. It's kinda funny how much we play board games. We definitely weren't "known" or "cool" kids in high school because of our demeanor. It was 100% based on the fact that we said what we said, did what we did, and loved it because we were enough for each other in this large cotton-candy web of giddy friendship. I was surrounded by all this happiness, my younger brother and his counterparts readying themselves for graduation meanwhile awash with thought of my own new adventures to come. My cat hardly noticed me, and my siblings only spent the time that was absolutely necessary to sleep in my childhood home, so I saw each maybe twice. One of which being when my mother took two of us to gas up our cars. It was... cathartic? I'm not quite sure what word can be best used to describe it, but all at once two celestial lights collided into each other behind the smaller world sitting in front of me with metal chassis and a pane of glass to separate the two of us and contain the explosion. Shrapnel reached out into every direction until light faded and all that remained was empty, peaceful space. My brother was off on his own now and it wasn't until then that I understood completely what my mother felt each time he went on a summer trip or took a hard tackle in a rugby game I couldn't be there for. There he was stretching his new legs as mother hen looked onward knowing she could not stop it. Few aspects of this life have blessed me quite as much as the life I led and the things I've seen, being all at once the younger and older brother in the beautifully dysfunctional family I've been allotted.
Following hour after hour of a group call through the vantablack of anonymous history etched into languidly paved highway, I arrived in Colorado. The first two days here, I hung out with my host family, and then spent a week living with a childhood friend who summers up here for work. In that time we of course have hiked mountains in the rockies, tubed through foaming rapids, taken beer factory tours, survived Denver Barbarians rugby practices and cooked meals like we'd always wanted to since our younger years, before our mother's allowed their sons to operate the kitchen. Chatter fills most nights- crossing long distances, homies and girlfriends sometimes joining the fray while we mindlessly play games and laugh into microphones.
Today is my last day living with my friend before I am to move back in with my host family. I also begin my first "real practice" tonight, and have a sort of interview with a potential employer later this week... So it would seem that this first week was God giving me a chance to set my feet strong on the smooth rock of the river bed before releasing the flood gates. But I'm excited for what's to come.
God is great,
Life is good,
And I'm doing just fine
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