Growing, Growing, Always Growing!

Love that was once solely invested in one has not been anchored away, never to be spoken of, has instead released and spread to the furthest reaches of my influence. I never intended for this to happen, but it's a happy accident. Friends, family, my friend's families, they all can feel it. It's not just something one has to trust in anymore, it's more tangible than words. When I hug, I hold tighter. When I speak my eyes lock with a gentle intensity. I've become quite skilled at the double cheek kisses. I can feel even strangers drawing nearer, like there's something I offer that they have not always known. I let all my baleful flashes of former romance do what they must, punching themselves out until I can sit them down and towel them off. It's my way of allowing myself to feel all the things that I must, yet maintain the wholeness of the memories. The process is a risky one, but I've been indulging in feats of self-control since the advent of my first conscious thought so it's a challenge I welcome-- if we're even going to call it a challenge. In a lot of ways I feel like I was made for this. Haven't figured out why yet, but that's a question I don't think, or care to ever find the answer to.

The days since I returned to my parent's home have been filled with large meals and rigorous workouts. I'm currently weight lifting once every other day and running just about every day. There are some rugby camps coming up that I might want to go to, whatever the travel costs (monetary and intangible) may be. So I need to be prepared for them. The only notable things so far have been spending time at my buddy's apartment with the old crew, looking at Christmas lights with some high school friends, a day with my "second family" and goofing off on video games like nothing ever changed. I've gained seven pounds since I showed up on Tuesday night... God bless. I clearly needed it. 

I ran a rough-draft plan for a Men's trip into the Ozark mountains by my dad. It's supposed to be sometime within the next two weeks and in all honesty he doesn't seem too enthused, but depending on how much money I get for Christmas I may just take myself and leave it at that. There are cliffs to be seen and breezes to be breathed.

There are still some fires I need to put out with all the rugby crap but I'm on break so I'm taking time to myself before I bite back down on that rope and let the frustrations press bamboo shoots under my nails.The minutia of paperwork will never cease to make me want to huff paint - and not in a cool way.

I'm fully aware that is some pretty graphic imagery. Not nearly as flowery as I tend to close out these things, but I'm okay with it. It will do.