She was right. I can tell my mom does feel underappreciated, not that it justifies some of her actions, but it is definitely there. Noticed it at dinner today. My father said thank you. My mother simply placed his food on the table and walked away never at any point looking at him. My father then reciprocated the bitterness and ate his meal quietly. Their gazes never quite locking on to anything. Soon after she brought up something about my younger brother going to a concert that he never really got permission for (how he had the money to go is beyond me). Even in that brief exchange they were rude to each other and my jokes hit with my older brother who ate beside me but fell flat somewhere between my mouth and my parents' ears. Mom retorted with saying she "hates all [us] lawyers" and walked away so that she could get back to her K-dramas. My joke had nothing to do with her. Couldn't help but remember her saying she'd leave my dad and us if things go south.
You know, her typical day does kinda suck. But so does my dads so I don't think it's fair for her to only see it through her lens. She works long hours, and comes home to cooking dinner and laundry. Soon as that's done she watches her dramas until her 9 o'clock bedtime then rinse and repeat. But the thing is, we all know and are fully capable of laundry. Even cooking, but she doesn't allow it. She wants to do those things, so her complaints about them always (as cold as it seems) hold little water to me. But she was always receptive to how we felt and spoke to emotions we hadn't even addressed yet in our own hearts. And sent me letters when I was off at school. And asked for kisses before I left. But I'm trying to put that aside. All the times she left, the times she brought home surprise gifts, the beatings, the worried phone calls, the lies, everything. It's not always right but it's okay.
I think she looks at her busy days as more busy or difficult than my father's though, and she knows it's wrong. She admits it all the time. My dad works 7am-6pm, and despite having some work-from-home days he never is truly off the clock. More than half the time any of us see him he has an earpiece in and digital conferences going 7 days a week. Beyond this, yes he's not always as grateful or patient as he should be, but he also goes to any and every sporting event/ tournament/ trip we've ever been on to support us, while my mother has refused to for years (she's squeamish, but sometimes I just wanted to have my loving mother there for me). To be fair though, he also has quite the "no nonsense" attitude on anything and everything because he was raised by two former Vietnam war veterans. Tears were met with wagging fingers and spankings instead of consolation (I'm talking even when things were actually bad and worth crying over) and my mother did not receive any preferential treatment. Seems nothing is ever as hard or troublesome as it was when he was a kid growing up. He also never explicitly told me he loved me growing up and as a kid you need that. Half of my anger toward him was from my own experiences, the other half fueled by fictitious claims by my mother and how alike we are despite our clashes. But I put all that aside as well.
Maybe I didn't before... Or even two days ago. But I did yesterday and I'm moving on.
The truth is they both had it hard growing up, had it pretty rough during their early adult years, and still kind of have it rough now. The only difference is that nowadays it's not as a result of things they cannot control-- this is all their fault and I hope they know that. There are no unexpected pregnancies, poor nuclear families or job losses to blame, only a lack of attention to their own love. They need to know because it will take both of them to fix it. Both had abusive fathers. Both had terrible siblings and shady relatives. Both have known the highest highs and lowest lows in adventurous youthful journeys. Both fell in love with the other, and worked their asses off to make things work, and gave up everything for us. But only one seems to be okay with that. Seems "doubt" has been the buzz word of the year thus far. Not-so-agreeable Dad wants to work it out, flight-or-flight Mom wants to cut her losses.
And I'm stuck here trying to figure out what God is trying to show me with all this.
You know, her typical day does kinda suck. But so does my dads so I don't think it's fair for her to only see it through her lens. She works long hours, and comes home to cooking dinner and laundry. Soon as that's done she watches her dramas until her 9 o'clock bedtime then rinse and repeat. But the thing is, we all know and are fully capable of laundry. Even cooking, but she doesn't allow it. She wants to do those things, so her complaints about them always (as cold as it seems) hold little water to me. But she was always receptive to how we felt and spoke to emotions we hadn't even addressed yet in our own hearts. And sent me letters when I was off at school. And asked for kisses before I left. But I'm trying to put that aside. All the times she left, the times she brought home surprise gifts, the beatings, the worried phone calls, the lies, everything. It's not always right but it's okay.
I think she looks at her busy days as more busy or difficult than my father's though, and she knows it's wrong. She admits it all the time. My dad works 7am-6pm, and despite having some work-from-home days he never is truly off the clock. More than half the time any of us see him he has an earpiece in and digital conferences going 7 days a week. Beyond this, yes he's not always as grateful or patient as he should be, but he also goes to any and every sporting event/ tournament/ trip we've ever been on to support us, while my mother has refused to for years (she's squeamish, but sometimes I just wanted to have my loving mother there for me). To be fair though, he also has quite the "no nonsense" attitude on anything and everything because he was raised by two former Vietnam war veterans. Tears were met with wagging fingers and spankings instead of consolation (I'm talking even when things were actually bad and worth crying over) and my mother did not receive any preferential treatment. Seems nothing is ever as hard or troublesome as it was when he was a kid growing up. He also never explicitly told me he loved me growing up and as a kid you need that. Half of my anger toward him was from my own experiences, the other half fueled by fictitious claims by my mother and how alike we are despite our clashes. But I put all that aside as well.
Maybe I didn't before... Or even two days ago. But I did yesterday and I'm moving on.
The truth is they both had it hard growing up, had it pretty rough during their early adult years, and still kind of have it rough now. The only difference is that nowadays it's not as a result of things they cannot control-- this is all their fault and I hope they know that. There are no unexpected pregnancies, poor nuclear families or job losses to blame, only a lack of attention to their own love. They need to know because it will take both of them to fix it. Both had abusive fathers. Both had terrible siblings and shady relatives. Both have known the highest highs and lowest lows in adventurous youthful journeys. Both fell in love with the other, and worked their asses off to make things work, and gave up everything for us. But only one seems to be okay with that. Seems "doubt" has been the buzz word of the year thus far. Not-so-agreeable Dad wants to work it out, flight-or-flight Mom wants to cut her losses.
And I'm stuck here trying to figure out what God is trying to show me with all this.
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