More Stuff You Probably Shouldn't Read

    Okay so remember not too long ago when I wrote this little bit at the foot of a post:

   

     So shout out to my past girlfriends and other love interests ( and God #amen) for never letting me go down that road and rewarding me for insisting on finding such spectacular, profoundly self-aware, strong independent girls. 

    So basically....

My type (ideal but of course NOT REQUIREMENTS by any means):

God-fearing (so there is no "missionary dating")

Intelligent

Tall

Slim/Athletic

Brunette

Striking eyes that aren't brown

Interested in the arts

Nerdy/Geeky

    Yeah well I have some quick amendments to that. Because in going back and proof-reading/ re-reading some of my old posts as I tend to naturally do, I found to simply list what they must bring to the table was a bit selfish. At least, basically, how I mentioned all the different ways future women should be awesome for me to date them etc., but it (beyond the fact that it is truncated down to bullet point form) didn't really lay it all out well... Because there are some flaws I'd like for them to have too. 

    Just last night I was too tired to want to play a game that would get my heart rate up and ruin my sleep schedule I'm working to fix, but also to awake to just try and lay down. Because we all know that such would just lead to hours on youtube or scrolling through the deepest darkest sects of reddit- so I resorted to reading some new blogs. And among them, I found one guy particularly interesting, where cutting against the grain a little, he was very "real" and went into what weaknesses or tendencies he finds attractive in a potential partner which very often is overlooked. I found this all very profound because though I've had this conversations countless times before with my friends over the years, and I know very distinctly what they are, I never actually sought out such things. I just kind of ran into them by chance and was happy when I did if that makes sense. But it was very interesting and again, it reminded me of some very sometimes morbid truths that I'd like to try and add to the "Ideal Woman" list I have concocted up above. 

Preferred Flaws:

    Ideally she's tastefully brash or nosy. Because I realize that a weakness of mine is that often times I don't even realize that the things I am doing are in fact things I could be doing with my significant other. I'm not sure if it's because I assume they wouldn't be interested, or just because some days my mind is totally blank, but it happens and I can't say it's always well received. Along with this, I tend to also be the type of person that I am not always prone to blurt out my opinions unless I for some reason find it completely necessary, and I do not assume I am always on people's minds. And what I mean by that is I'm the type of person that I tend to walk around with the mentality that if somebody wants to hang out, they'll probably be sure to contact me about it. If not, they won't- and I never take it personally. I enact it in my own methods and if I'm of course buggin' to hang out with someone I will make the effort (though paradoxically/oxymoronically I do not mean to say that if I don't send a person a text it's because I don't want to hang out with them- it's more like I just didn't think about it or didn't want to as much as I did someone else). And if I'm not feeling it I just wont... Which has clear pros and cons. So flaw number one, I just need her to be all up in my business so 1.) it shows interest and that she wants to go do something and 2.) sometimes texting first/initiating everything just plain gets old.  

    I chose and lived out a certain type of lifestyle for many years that lead me to never feel wanted though of course people cared about me etc.. Just not romantically. So in relationships someone who expresses very clearly such things or telegraphs their pursuit proves to be very attractive and significant to me. 

    And maybe she could also wear her heart on her sleeve (like the guy in the post I read mentioned). Linking relatively closely with the first flaw of mine, though I have no problem expressing my emotions I find that many a times, I just choose not to. I'm not sure why this is to be perfectly honest. It's not fear, or paranoia, or lack of confidence... But I just sometimes don't and when that unfortunately will inevitably leak into a relationship like brief thunderstorms in north Texas, I need a person who is going to tell me that. Someone who doesn't want to just wait and hope I still care about them or assume I do. Not someone who will try to dish it back (because I will always win though it's not anything to brag about), or guilt trip me (because obviously if I can turn a noteworthy cold shoulder, how could that ever work?). They need to call me out and just lay everything out. I've always been a pretty honest person because it is something I deliberately strive to be. Ask and you shall receive, the real deal. And I want her to feel passionately enough to ask things... Anything. Everything. Especially the hard questions she might not like the answer to. On the good days I want her to to be annoying with how positive she is, and on the bad I want her to blow up and be, basically, undeniably human. I'm tired of the robotic responses one gives to "how are you" type questions. Because unlike most, I actually want to know. I ask because I care. I wouldn't if I didn't (and sometimes I surely won't). Please blow up in my face with your post-work-grind anger so that 1.) I can exercise my keen ability to calm people down and 2.) because I'm one of those weirdos who thinks sometimes women are incredibly attractive when they're breathing fire (or really just expressing themselves because it is something I struggle to consistently do). 

    ...And maybe even a little bit nit-picky.  Not naggy, more anal-retentive. Why? Well, there come times in life when you should really care about things, and other times when you shouldn't... And sometimes I don't always get the dichotomy quite right. Sometimes I have an iced mocha at 2am solely because I like the taste and think it's perfectly fine on a school night and other times I just sort of shrug off showing up to, say, a lecture for Business Calculus II. Sometimes I will completely drift on the outskirts of directly-impactful-to-my-own-life discussions that will make almost immediate changes to my daily whereabouts, and instead browse forums on men's fashion for no apparent reason other than the simple bare fact that I did or did not care... Which is not good. So in a perfect world, this woman would basically need to, in the least demeaning of ways, keep tabs on me like a total mom and be the anus that will refuse to hang out with me if I haven't finished my paper, or get genuinely mad at me if I let an obligation or two slip by unattended, though not to be confused with micromanagement. I especially would like this because it, like every other flaw, isn't quite a flaw in certain applications. In this case it, if reverse-engineered for two seconds, shows that she cares about school and me and blah blah blah... Now, this isn't all to say that I'm some sloppy, horrible student. Just that I would 1.) benefit from having a living, breathing sassy reminder that there are more productive things I should probably be doing, 2.) I'd have even more incentive to do my work (because sometimes future affluence and success isn't quite enough) and 3.) because making sure I don't suck as a human or become a slob is very endearing though initially irritating. 

    And so now that you've wasted some more of your life at the hand of my brain/keyboard/blog sword, I'll just end this right here. 

Yep.

Just like this.