Okay so for the first time in my goofy life, I actually managed to be the "unfeeling" one- and it was the coolest thing I swear. Ever since I began even in the least liking girls, I had always for some reason caught myself feeling strong emotions and having rushing thoughts burst forth upon the event of an unplanned eye contact. Whether that be with "the one I'd always wanted to talk to", or "the one who got away", or "the one who [ insert situation here]"- I felt I was consistently the one hung up on those glances simply because of the could have been's or should have been's. And the only one for that matter. Which I am sure looking back that for the most part I am right. But finally, just last night, I stared right through this girl... And it felt so good. Walking by in the cafeteria, being independent and functioning on my own despite my current injury, I happened to spot something familiar in the corner of my eye. So as I reached up with my able arm to fill up a cup with lemonade or something, I looked over my shoulder directly at her. And there she was, sitting there facing right at me, maybe 10 feet away looking me in the eye... And I just stared right through her, blank and unfeeling into a thousand foot distance that seemed to span out somewhere behind her eyes. Right through the center of the grey-ish blue gems that looked into my own murky eyes, silently curious. She seemed to show uneasiness, or maybe was it tenderness? Doesn't matter. Sure this girl might have actually been looking to reconnect with me after the weeks that have passed since I attempted friendship with her, but I wasn't concerned with it at that moment. Sure she's absolutely beautiful, intelligent, well spoken, blah blah blah- but who cares. I got to be in control and have power over her influence of my emotional standings in that situation, and it tasted sweeter than any dessert I could have eaten or refreshment I could have sipped in that whole cafeteria.
This is not to say that I don't have an exemplary grasp of my emotions in 99% of life's situations. Because I do. To the point that it's a double-edged sword at times. But the chink in the armor is exposed in situations where attractions are expressed... Usually.
I sat back down at my solitary eating station some 50 ft away with closed eye and ear-to-ear grin. Nodding to myself softly and slowly as reality slipped away from me. All at once La Vie En Rose ( by Louie Armstrong) played and the sun came out orange and apple red over the distant undulating ocean horizon. Calm, gentle wisps of wind nestling themselves against me in passing like metaphysical felines, the flowers in the center of my imaginary, foreign, ocean-side cafe bobbing along in their half filled glass vase as waves crashed against the cliff-side hundreds of feet below. And my feet clonk against the cobblestone terrace beneath me and fingers twirl in the blissful summer air as I listen quaint and content as I enjoy my dessert.
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| I kinda hate him for flipping off the camera but oh well |
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