1. Most of us have one or more personality quirks. Explain one of yours and what it says about you.
To be perfectly honest I’m not quite sure this is a character flaw as much as it is a “personality quirk”, but all the same I have an odd problem. I have always been very insightful. Aware of a large portion of everything that is unfolding, existing around me. Their deeper meanings and relevance. Deciphering between different aspects of life, their connections and how they intertwine. Why events play out the way they do. Seeing people’s true intentions behind their words. Predicting people’s reactions, emotions, perspectives, and what formed the foundations for them. Though that is not to say I am one hundred percent efficient in my various epiphanies, some fickle and changing by the following morning while others stone solid. Formed and lodged back into the walls of my brain to be accessed later. But while I am all this, I find that these insights sometimes hold me back, giving way to indecision and increased anxiety. My heart and mind lead me to believe I know the full scope of possible outcomes and their “why”, though I very well don’t. It’s like I said, not all of my epiphanies are sound ones. Forming this vice. And this vice therefore causes me to live much of my life in my head. Out of fear, I think. A fear of failure. Because I care too much, feel too much, and expect too much about everything. Because I see all the promise of “could be”’s and “maybe”’s that come and consequently pass me by on a daily basis. Painstakingly wasted, smoldering into “would have been”’s and “should have been”’s, the very thing I wish to avoid. Afraid that the decisions I make will “ruin everything”. How cliche of my teenage mind... The paradox of my mental “situation” is obvious. This here inaction, non-participation in life, is my quirk. Exposing more of my inner workings than I’d care to reveal. It tells much of my life’s stories. My gears and cogs and how I tick. Stories of failing time and time again. Of not receiving the encouragement I needed when I needed it. Of feeling sub-par. Being rejected. Of falling short of goals. Tales of the weird little boy who sat inside for recess so he wouldn’t have to dance with failure and its various social faces. Furthermore even a story of my high school years, facing dreaded friend-zoning’s and friendship fallouts. Letting those I care about down. Falling into “lose-lose” situations. Finding refuge in retreating to the imaginary yet all too familiar confines of my mind. Of suicides and tragedy. Even not knowing what to feel anymore because I’d been feeling too much or too little for too long...That, is what my character flaw, my mental glitch, my quirk, says about me. I see all that life has to offer, and find myself hesitant, almost afraid to take it.
Comments
Post a Comment